When I got back to work, I was sick worried that no one else will be able to look after my baby the way I do. No one else will understand her the way I do. Even if she’s being sent to the nursery where their job is to look after the babies and they have more experience than I do? I was really lucky as her carer really loved her and obsess about her as much as I do (or I’d like to believe so) and I was comfortable around her carer.
Not only that, I find it hard to trust anyone else apart from her carer to look after my girl. This includes my own family and husband. I get some kind of anxiety feelings or worry if she’s being left with them for more than two or three hours. It makes sense when she was under six months as she was exclusively breastfeed but then after she started solids I got worried what others will feed her.
My brother in law once asked me if he can ‘borrow’ my girl for a few hours – not a chance! My husband doesn’t know where the nappies are let alone how to change her nappy, what to feed her, how to dress her etc etc. It’s a no-brainer that i wont let anyone else to look after my baby. He once said to me, your baby is either sleeping or being fed – which hurts – but I couldn’t care less. I whispered wait until you get your own baby then you’ll know the feelings – or maybe not – as you would never understand a mom’s feelings – so back off.
Now she’s 2 and I still feel the same way?! I keep on telling myself she’s a big girl now and I need to let it go and be more relaxed in order to keep sanity in my life. BUT I JUST CAN’T.
I am simply not comfortable with the fact that someone else is with her without me constantly watching her. I want to be able to do everything but I have to realize where does it end? I need to give myself some space to be able to function normally and let other members of the family spend some time with her. But why does this feeling that ‘mommy does it better’ or ‘no one else does it properly as how mommy does it’ comes all the time? Will I be able to let go someday…we shall see…
I am very convinced that I’m not the only one who feels this way!